dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
