If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
