the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Randomize
