hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
