i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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