I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
