it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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