I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
