i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I fill condoms, not promises.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
