Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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