he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
