I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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