And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I'm really busy with my period
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