Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
