North Korea, Best Korea!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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