Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
