It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
