Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
