He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
