we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
