Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize