I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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