I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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