She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
