I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
