And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
