i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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