I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
