PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
