It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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