Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
