One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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