you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I have fence marks all over my body
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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