atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
