im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I fill condoms, not promises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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