I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Randomize
