It's like God shit irony all over that family
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So much rum. So many feels.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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