Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Randomize
