is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
is wine microwaveable?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Your penis caused this!
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