he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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