This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
