There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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