by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
