omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
