I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
