his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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