I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
