my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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