At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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