Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
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What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
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The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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