so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
