You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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