And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
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Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
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Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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