Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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