Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
We need a shit load of segways right now
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
