Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
