So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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