they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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