maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
