so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
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his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
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So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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