someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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