when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
