absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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