Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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