He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
