When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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