I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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