I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
