umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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