Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I want to be your penis for a week.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
