O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize