No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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