just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
