she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
