it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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