I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
