I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
