my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Don't tell me you're on acid again
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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